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Stories and Photos from the Master
Photographer, Artist, Cartoonist, and Prankster
CTM1(SS) Wayne Sarosi
From CTM1(SS) Wayne Sarosi
NSGD Pearl 1975 - I was a newbie at the NSGD Pearl. I was put on the
graveyard shift with Bill Dirr. We were still in the small building by the still standing Naval Hospital. The hospital was
falling apart with beams piled against walls and water standing on the floors. Creepy at night. The shift was 11-8 and we
got a lot of work done at night. At 2am we would take a lunch break and watch a TV show. All the time we were there a marine
guard would circle the area, armed with a loaded .45 auto. During our lunch break we heard GUN SHOTS!! MANY IN A ROW! Bill
and I looked at each other and then ran to the door. "WHAT THE ..."? Bill sent me out with a flashlight while he called
the Corporal of the guard. The Marine was still fixed on something in the hospital. "Hey man, what are you shooting at?" "IT'S
THE HEADLESS NURSE. I SHOT HER!" Headless nurse? What is that? I pointed the flashlight into where he was aiming and saw the
splattered remains of Buffo Frog. The COG arrived and saw what happened. The guard was removed and we got a new marine with
a fully loaded .45 pistol.
Ever since I have had mixed emotions about being safe.
NSGD Pearl 1975 - There was a guy fixing a dirtbike behind Tom Ippolito's
warehouse and shop. He was soldering some damaged wiring from a crash. I walked in, was talking with them and sat down. Everyone
got quiet. Then I knew why.
I SAT ON THE SOLDERING IRON!!! My pants were on fire! Smoke was coming off my butt like an
old Three Stooges flick! I was a steppin' and a fetchin' with my ass on fire. I was scrambling around while everyone was laughing
and I saw a bucket of rain water. I promptly sat down in it.
I still have a scar from that burn.
NSGD Pearl 1976. - The Bicentenial was going on. The Head stall doors were
painted red, white and blue with a big eagle across the doors. You couldn't see into the stalls, but you could see feet. Thus,
it was easy to see if the stall was occupied. Over a few beers Jeff Meier and I came up with an idea ; we would bring in some
extra pants and boonies, then stuff them with newspaper. Jeff would lock the door from the inside and slide out under the
door. We went to work early and convinced the watch (I wish I could remember his name) that this was a good thing. Well, we
set it up and got a cup of coffee. It wasn't long before the guys were going into the head and coming out grumbling. By 10am
it was getting pretty funny looking at all the backed up guys trying to use the head. By Noon, the CO marched into the head
and ordered the guys in the stalls out! At this order Jeff and I were in tears laughing! Mike Condon then leaped up and hung
from the door looking down into the stall. "THEY'RE FAKES!!!"
Soon enough the stalls were open and in full operation.
Jeff and I were in front of CWO Hollaway and received a stern warning, from behind a suppressed grin.
NSGD Pearl - 1977. After hearing in passing, CWO Hollaway say that he has
seen all the pranks sailors can come up with. And that anyone who could pull a prank off on him would not be reprimanded.
Hmmm. This one wasn't planned, it just happened since the opportunity presented itself. About a week after making that remark
I was making coffee and CWO Hollaway came into get a cup. "Sorry Sir, empty pots. I'm making a fresh pot now. Leave me your
mug and I'll bring it to you when the coffee is ready." "Fine." He walked out and I went and got the "NEW" Superglue.
Bonds Instantly! The coffee was done and I put a ring of superglue
on the bottom of his mug. I walked in with the pot of coffee and his mug. Put the mug on his desk and poured in a mug
full. "Thanks". He was busy working so I left. Just about two minutes later over the Matshop's 1MC ... "Petty Officer Sarosi,
report to Mr. Hollaway's Office." When I got there he
was removing the coffee from the cup with paper towels. "Stand at attention, Sarosi". Chief Rich covered his face and turned
the other way. I stood there while he removed the rest of the coffee. When he was done he filled the mug with pens and pencils.
He sat in his chair and looked up at me and said "You are truly a pain in my ass, Sarosi. Now get out of here."
NSGD Groton 1978 - For years I have been the Captain of my ship, however my wife always been the Admiral. Desiree's nick-name
stuck at Pearl and was carried over to Groton. We got a new Master Chief and I was called in to be interviewed by him. While
in his office the yeoman called in to me that the "Admiral" was on the phone. "Can I take it here, Master Chief?" He sat there
with his mouth open. "Uh, sure." I talked for a minute with Desiree and then said I would be home normal time. I hung up the
phone. "Are you married to the Admiral?" "Yes." The yeoman got up and left. She was laughing. "You are married to the admiral?"
"Yes" "Officers can not marry enlisted men. How can that be?" "Because I'm the captain of my ship and my wife is the Admiral,
Master Chief." He stared at me for a moment, then he laughed.
NSGD Groton 1979 - The video training tape of "Mr. Gloves" (Similar to
Mr. Bill from Saturday Night Live) is mine. I hope all that saw it had a good laugh. "Cut" We had a blast making it. I heard
it was seen for years afterward. I can't even remember what we called the clay figure, but it had something to do with Chief
Hill. I know I wore gloves to distinguish myself from "Mr. Hands" in the Mr. Bill Show. I wish I could see that video tape
today.
NSGD Groton 1979 Winter. It had to be one of the coldest days I could remember
at Groton. I had just got back from sea on the Pargo. I was Introduced to "The Rev. Rudy DeFunk" "Come on Sarosi, We have
to go to Glunk's place and pick him up." I'm thinking 'Glunk', this should be interesting. We went about a mile off base and
stopped. A Burley guy with glasses and a graying beard got in the van, said nothing and went to the far back of the Van. I'm
thinking 'OK, it's Glunk. I'll find out later." The Rev. Rudy DeFunk said nothing. We got through the gate and this moaning
laugh starts from the back of the van. "Geugh, Geugh, Geugh. GEUGH, GEUGH GEUGH, GEUGH." Rudy slams on the brakes and bails
out leaving the door open. "What the fuck are you doing? It's base rush hour and we are blocking traffic", I yelled! "You'll
bail out in a second too." He lit a cigarette and stood there smoking. Mean time "GEUGH, GEUGH, GEUGH." I looked at Glunk
and he was in stitches. Rudy spoke up, "He eats mustard and onion sandwiches." I looked back at Glunk. "GEUGH, GEUGH, GEUGH!"
Horns were blowing and the guards were yelling now. Then the death fog hit my freezing nostrils. All oxygen was neutralized.
I couldn't breath and bailed out leaving the door open. There we were just past the gate, Glunk yucking it up in the back
of the van, Me and the Rev. Rudy DeFunk standing there in the 10 degree sunshine while the van aired out. I'm thinking, 'So
this is Glunk... just peachy'.
NSGD Groton 1979 - I wish I could remember his name. He got out on a medical
because he had MS. Short Blonde Guy, CTM3. Sat opposite me
when I was still fixing gear.
**Note from Stache - Must of been Joel "Olee" Olsen**
He had just
finished replacing a CRT in an O-scope. He never did that before and was a bit leary about turning it on. I could not resist.
I got a zip bag and blew it up with air then sealed it.
He was still not ready to turn it on and went over his work again.
By now a small crowd was watching since they knew I had a bag of air waiting for the moment. Finally, with a wooden ruler
and outstretched arm, he flipped the switch. I popped the bag and it made a fine BANG! He fell to the floor! We were
all laughing to tears! When he got up the CRT had a nice line across the middle. He did a good job. "YOU SCARED THE
SHIT OUT OF ME!" "Thanks" I got punched in the arm, but he was laughing with us too. He lit a cigarette (yeah,
we could do that then) and was still shaking.
Note: It is my hope that he is still alive. It has been a long time.
Un-Easy Sailor
(Sing to Charlie Daniels' "Uneasy Rider")
I'm headin' on up to New London Town
Gonna ride me a
submarine, but not aground,
At the end of the week we go on a Northern Run.
The first thing to do was to ourselves
drunk,
And I'll probably do it with Rudy de Funk,
Then hit the whores and bars down on Main Street.
What we needed
was a good set of wheels,
So Mike went out and made a deal for a sixty-four Chevy
and a sixpack of Lowenbrau.
We
drank the beer before we hit the bridge,
While starting on our pre-sea binge,
We parked the car at the municipal garage.
The
first bar we chose was on the right,
As we went in we saw a good fight,
With two big dudes and a bunch of flying cue
sticks.
Sirens were blaring with cops in store,
We tossed down the beers and headed to the door,
Then we found
ourselves quickly on the opposite curb.
In the door and up to the bar,
Three beers ordered and things look par,
As
the cops poured into the bar across the street.
We sat there drinking our beers with a sneer,
But then noticed things
looked pretty queer,
Our watress was smiling, but she had a man's physique.
Time to leave and soon enough,
A
big fat chick was eyeing Rudy de Funk,
We split out the back as fast as we could run.
Down the alley and into the
street,
Right into the van of Two-stroke Pete,
A dirt biker that owed me five cases of beer.
"Pay up" I said,
"I brought some friends",
"I've got the beer on ice! Hello there friends."
So off to his pad we went in the van.
We
got the beer and away it was packed,
So we got Pete to take us back,
To the municipal garage were the Chevy was.
We
loaded the beer and paid the ticket,
Got on the highway in about a minute,
Picked up a Pizza, then headed back to base.
Gave back the Chevy with two cases of beer,
The rest to the barracks not too far from there,
We settled for
beer, pizza and some late night TV.
One thing for sure, tomorrow will come,
Our heads will be throbbing and our
stomachs numb,
And at the end of the week ...
We go on a northern run.
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